Sunday, 17 March 2013

Boiler Blues


Every year our boiler decides to pack up.  And always in the winter months.  If our boiler had a personality, I would describe it as bloody minded.  Why else would it have us raiding our thermals from the depths of the wardrobe in order to stave off the shivers from snow on the ground, or gale force winds, or minus temperatures?  Because …excuse me for saying this…it’s a bitch, that’s why.
          Over the years Bitch Boiler has played up, cut out, only heated the hot water, then only heated the radiators, and then finally refused to heat anything at all.  Last time around the engineer gave BB a new circuit board which coaxed her back to life.  But was she grateful?  No, instead BB heated the house to warm, then warmer still, hot, hotter, boiling hot and finally meltdown.  Twiddles to her thermostat brought about zero response until, in desperation, I took to the fuse board.
          BB’s most recent problem was to make a sound like a jumbo jet taking off in the utility room which sent the pipes in the airing cupboard into a total tailspin.  Every five minutes the hot water tank made noises like an out of tune orchestra.  British Gas are always ace at sorting out BB’s problems (until next time around), so much so that we’re on first name terms with the local engineers.  There’s Joe who likes tea with no sugar and Barry who likes coffee with three sugars.  Our pooch particularly likes Barry because he always puts his coffee mug on the floor not realizing that beagles not only eat anything but drink everything too – especially coffees with three sugars.  But now we have a new family member to also watch out for.  Dolly the cat.
          ‘Ah, what a sweet kitty,’ said Barry.  Until Dolly pounced on his ankle and bit hard.  ‘She’s just having fun,’ Barry said through clenched teeth.  Whereupon Dolly turned her back on Barry, dived into her litter tray next to Barry’s tool case and did the biggest…well we won’t go into detail.
          Suffice to say BB is once again doing her stuff and Barry recovered from his faint.  Which reminds me.  A boiler engineer was called out by Buckingham Palace to heat the Queen’s kennels.  The boiler engineer was half way through the job when the police arrested him.  Why?  Because he wasn’t Corgi registered…

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you and BB already have a history. It's a good thing you've got a couple of reliable technicians in your area to help you through. The average person's not that aware of what goes on inside a boiler or a heating system's parts such as the steam traps, etc. So it's better to have a professional to handle matters like these to avoid any costly damages.

    A.L.B. Industrial Supplies, Inc.

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