Sunday, 18 August 2013

Another moving story...

At the time of bashing out today’s blog entry, I can confirm that not only have we had an offer on our house (regrettably too low), we’ve had a second viewing by a very eager couple who have four children.  I’m crossing my fingers, toes, and legs that they make a decent offer that will make my quest to downsize a reality.
          I always get into a terrible tizzy when a viewer is due.  Firstly, the house has to be spotless because first impressions count.  Secondly, any ‘clutter’ has to be well and truly hidden.  This means everything that the kids insist leaving all over their bedroom floors gets firmly shoved into their wardrobes.  Thirdly, the house has to smell nice...which means pooch is put out the back door, swiftly followed by the cat who never fails to poop into her litter tray thirty seconds prior to a viewer’s arrival.
          However, yesterday’s couple possibly wouldn’t have minded too much had our pets let us down.  They staggered through the front door, both clutching a two year old.  Twins!  Double trouble!  And indeed, the parents’ first words as they crossed the threshold were, ‘We apologise in advance, but there was lots of, erm, bottom noises on the journey here and the children might want to have a pooh.’
          ‘No problem,’ I trilled, ‘They can take their pick because there are four loos in this house (never miss a sales opportunity!).’  I moved swiftly onwards.  ‘This is the lounge and, as you can see, there are wonderful French doors issuing forth (I lurve saying issuing forth) onto a large decked area.  The family looked at the French doors.  Their gaze was met by the pooch staring mournfully in from the other side of the glass.
          ‘Doggy,’ said one of the twins.
          ‘Woof,’ said pooch.
          There then followed an awful lot of excited barking from both sides of the glass.
          ‘And this,’ I hastily swept them through into the kitchen, ‘is a room that is the hub of the household (never miss a sales opportunity!).  Note the large sliding doors issuing forth onto the patio.’  The family looked at the sliding doors.  Their gaze was met by the pooch staring in from the other side of the glass.
          ‘Oh, another dog!’ exclaimed the mummy.
          ‘No, it’s the same–’
          But my words were drowned out as both pooch and children once again erupted into joyful barking at each other.
          ‘Follow me!’ I commanded.  ‘This room is the teen den, but a few years ago was a playroom.  Note the double French doors issuing forth (sorry, just cannot not say it) onto the terrace (never miss a sales opportunity!).
          The family looked at the double French doors.  Their gaze was met by the pooch once again staring in from the other side of the glass.
          ‘Gosh, a third dog!’ said the mummy.
          ‘No, it’s still the same–’
          Another cacophony of barking broke out from both children and said dog.  Pooch wagged her tail joyfully.  Friends!  She then spotted some bird pooh on the glass and stopped barking.  Instead, she began licking the glass.  The cat minced into view, spotted pooch licking shit and decided to join in.
          I immediately blocked the view and instead suggested my viewers might like to next check out the study.  Thankfully this room has no doors issuing forth and no animals salivating over bird plop.
          Finally, upstairs, we moved on to viewing the bedrooms.
          ‘This is our youngest daughter’s room,’ I extended one arm and ushered the family in.
          ‘Ooh, built in wardrobes,’ said the mummy eagerly.
          ‘Absolutely,’ I gushed (never miss a sales opportunity!).
          Whereupon the mummy touched one brass handle.  ‘May I?’
          ‘Ah, erm, well I’m not sure–’
          Too late.  Mummy had the wardrobe door open and seconds later was hopping about as a guitar landed on her foot.  (Memo to self:  sometimes it’s better to miss a sales opportunity).
          Which reminds me.  What do you call a dinosaur that has a sore foot? An Ankle-oh-sore-is...


  1. I was almost expecting pooch to pop up at the bedroom window on a trampoline... :)

  2. Oh Debbie that really did crack me up! "Never miss a sales opportunity" ha ha ha.